Amazing Grace
by ohtheconspiracy
Summary: House’s POV of what happens when Cameron gets pregnant and his view through the birth. A One-shot inspired by the song ‘Amazing Grace’. Semi-established Hameron.


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Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound

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The tall man paced the waiting room furiously, the banging sound of his cane hitting the ground unnerving all those around him. No one dared approach him about it, though, considering the frustrated expression and murderous eyes he now bore. His eyes flashed to the delivery room, desperately hoping a doctor would rush out for him.

He needed to know what was going on.

After what felt like a lifetime, the doors finally opened as a doctor hurried out and said,

"Doctor House?" House flew across the room towards the man, desperate for information. The doctor gave him a faint smile, recognizing the look of panicked excitement he'd seen on so many other soon-to-be-dads.

"It's time."

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That saved a wretch like me.

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He didn't know how to handle it when Cameron informed him she was pregnant. Her words didn't even register with him at first, his mind barely able to fathom the true meaning of 'pregnant'. It was strange to be so terrified of such a simple word.

It was just two syllables.

Just eight little letters.

Not at all scary, until it's true meaning hit him.

Dirty diapers, child support, obnoxious amounts of money.

Commitment.

Dependency.

Responsibility.

So as he stared at Cameron, sitting on his couch in the middle of the night, crying and shaking as she informed him of her current state, he did the only thing he could do.

He ran.

He ran straight to the nearest bar, spending his night drinking away all thoughts of her and the growing parasite within her, the parasite he had unintentionally helped create.

It was long past three in the morning when he stumbled back into his apartment, half falling as he fumbled towards the bedroom. He froze, though, when he saw the sleeping form of the very girl he had so desperately tried to forget laying in his bed.

House had just sighed, far too tired to deal with this, and flopped down on the bed next to her, passing out instantly.

He'd woken up to feel her wrapped snuggly around his body, her leg draped casually over his legs. The warmth permeating from her body was strangely soothing, his hang-over and leg pain not nearly as extreme as it should be. Subconsciously, he pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. She stirred slightly, her eyelids flickering as consciousness seeped in. House felt his throat tighten at the mascara smeared over her face, evidence of her night of crying.

Her eyes finally opened, hazy and out of focus, and she smiled up at him weakly. He couldn't bring himself to smile so he settled with a blank expression. Not necessarily warm and inviting, but not cold or angry.

As her eyes came into focus, she began to realize where she was and instantly pulled herself up and off him. House couldn't help but notice the lack of warmth and found himself wishing for her to return.

He didn't say that, of course. Instead, he said,

"You should go home." The words came out much harsher than he had intended, and he regretted instantly when he saw her flinch. She just sighed, rolling off the bed and slowly walking towards the door. His heart felt heavy at the sudden coldness of the bed and he wanted to cry out to her, but he knew that would never happen. So he just watched her go.

She hesitated for a moment in the doorway, her hand resting on the wall for balance.

"I can't…," she said weakly, forcing him to strain to hear her,

"I can't do this alone." It was almost a whisper, her voice sounding so unsure. He instantly regretted having forced her out, her shaken state having a strange effect on him.

"Sorry," was all he could manage as he half-way apologized for being so skittish about this subject. His tone, however, implied something completely different, sounding apologetic for his inability to be there for her. Saying sorry he wouldn't help.

She just sighed, not at all surprised. She figured he wouldn't want any part of this child's life, and she had accidentally slipped when she confessed her fears of doing this on her own. She only came because she knew she had to at least try.

House watched her walk out of his apartment and, he assumed, his life.

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I once was lost, but now I'm found. Was blind but now I see.

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His indifference towards her pregnancy ended abruptly, however, when Wilson discovered it.

"House, you can't just abandon her!" he had shouted at him when he found him sitting in his office, completely horrified at his friend's attitude. House had just shrugged, not at all in the mood to talk about this.

"She can take care of herself," he lied, recalling her whispered confession the morning she'd left. Wilson had just shaken his head in disgust, finding himself hating his friend.

"She's pregnant, House! And you're the reason she is!" he added, trying to make House realize that this was his responsibility, too. House just rolled his eyes, mumbling,

"I understand how pregnancy works, Jimmy. I'm a doctor, too." House leaned on his desk, trying to refocus his attention to the small television he'd been watching.

House jumped back in surprise, however, when Wilson slammed his hands in front of him. House shot him an accusing glare, but stopped when Wilson hissed,

"She needs you right now, House! For once in your life can you think about someone other than yourself? She probably feels completely alone, and you're not helping the situation! Don't you get it? She's carrying your _child_, Greg. Your child."

His use of House's first name caught his attention, and the words slowly sunk into him.

His child.

The tiny collection of cells beginning to form within Cameron was a part of him; a tiny piece of his existence was being passed on to another generation.

He was going to be a father.

At the word father, House's heart instantly shriveled as he reflected on his own childhood. What if he messed this kid up like he was messed up? The thought that he could become like his own father was horrifying and House just shook his head, shaking the thoughts away. Never.

"Why won't you be there for her? Be there for the kid?" Wilson shouted in his face furiously.

"Because I don't want to screw it up!" House shouted suddenly, leaping to his feet. Wilson backed up, caught off guard by this sudden revelation. Screw it up?

"You're not going to screw it up, House," Wilson murmured with a sigh as he stepped back, finally understanding. House just shook his head,

"I can't be a father." Wilson just leaned into the desk, staring into House's eyes intently.

"It's a little too late to be saying that." House just sighed in defeat, knowing Wilson was right.

It was too late, the deed was done.

The kid was coming, whether he liked it or not.

He was probably not going to be a good dad, he knew that now, but he knew he had to at least try.

He cornered Cameron in a hallway a few hours later, her eyes falling sadly on him.

"What?" was all she could manage as she tried to meet his eyes.

"I want to be there," House blurted, a determined look on his face. Cameron threw him a sideways glance, not understanding.

"For the baby," he added in a soft voice. A smile slowly broke out across her face as she nodded, carefully mouthing the words "thank you". She couldn't bring herself to speak.

House felt lost as he tried to navigate his way through the months of Cameron's pregnancy. As her belly grew, he found his walls drop as he got closer to the girl in an intimate way, becoming surprisingly dependent on her. She had a way of defusing his anger, a way of seeing through his witty comments and snide remarks.

By week 14 she had moved into his apartment, and they had begun baby proofing it immediately. He had absolutely refused to do the baby shopping, as she had assumed he would, but he did agree to go with her to the doctor to get the ultrasound.

He remembered watching the ultrasound, feigning disinterest, but Cameron could tell with one look at him how blown away he was. It wasn't like he'd never seen an ultrasound before; it was just that this time it was his child.

Everything was different when it was his.

He would come home late at night to find her sitting at his piano, her ever-growing belly causing her slight discomfort as she idly pressed the keys. He sneaked up behind her, his arms wrapping around her as he breathed in the scent of her shampoo.

He loved that smell.

"Will you play me something?" she had asked hesitantly. He looked at her for a minute tentatively, uncomfortably. Her reassuring smile, however, convinced him enough and soon he was seated next to her, softly playing a song.

Her sudden giggle broke his attention, however, and he turned to see an amused look on her face.

"What?" he asked suspiciously, somewhat worried that she was mocking his playing.

"The baby kicked when you played," she giggled, rubbing her belly happily. House couldn't help but smile slightly as he turned back to the piano, continuing his song.

"I guess it likes your music." Cameron murmured, leaning her head gently against his shoulder.

"Well, at least we know it has good taste."

It had been a slow process, merging their lives together. It had taken him awhile to get accustomed to waking up next to her, to coming home and finding her waiting for him. He was shocked at how easily he fell into the routine, how nice it was to have that one person who would put up with him. Every once in awhile he would even ask himself if perhaps he had fallen for her, but he would always shove that thought away.

He was just going to be there for the baby.

That's all.

He found it difficult to fall for his obvious lies, though, as time went on.

He wasn't sure he could handle this and, had it not been for Cameron's understanding and careful determination, he probably would have run off to Mexico by now.

And yet here he was in the delivery room, awkwardly holding Cameron's hand as she screamed, the doctor's call of "push, push" echoing throughout the room. House felt himself smirk when Cameron shouted a loud,

"You did this to me!" and he couldn't help but laugh to himself, mumbling,

"You consented." This was clearly not the appropriate response, as she now tightened her death grip on his hand and he couldn't help but note that his fingers were quickly losing feeling as she squeezed the blood urgently from them.

Cameron let out another cry of anguish as another contraction hit, and the doctor eagerly shouted,

"Almost there, Alison! Almost there! I can see the head! Give me one more big push,"

A loud scream erupted from her, all her energy focused in this final, grand push. The doctor shouted happily as the small body appeared in his arms, and House let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He glanced down at Cameron only to find that she had passed out from the strain. He smiled gently, pulling his hand from hers and staring intently at the little creature as it's cord was cut.

His baby had been born.

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T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear,

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Something was wrong.

House stared at the baby, horrified, as it did not move or scream. He could just faintly hear the doctor shout,

"The heart stopped. Quickly,-!" House didn't catch anything else he said, the rushing of doctors and nurses around him just a blur of color as he stared at the tiny creature, it being the only thing he could see. He saw them hooking it to things, desperately trying to get a reaction, and he felt frozen when he noticed the blue tint to it's lips, or how it's chest didn't rise and fall.

A heart monitor kicked to life, and his eyes temporarily left the motionless child to watch the monitor.

He felt his heart stop completely as he stared at the flat line, and it took three nurses to hold him back as he lunged for the child, suddenly overcome with the desperate need to save it, to make it start breathing, start moving.

He had to save it.

"Dr. House, please calm down," their words fell on deaf ears as his eyes locked on the still child, his child, laying before him. He felt like he was drowning as he watched their many attempts to revive it, and his eyes fell on Cameron who still lay unconscious on the bed. He was thankful she didn't have to witness this.

He turned back to the stock-still little body laying a few feet from him.

House could tell by the looks on the doctors' faces that it was over.

The little life that had just barely even begun had ended.

Slowly, painfully, his eyes found their way back to the heart monitor as he watched the endless flat line, the blatant declaration of death.

House felt so cold.

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And Grace my fears relieved.

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And then suddenly the line jumped; then flat line.

Another jump, this time followed by another and soon the little heart was beating at a steady pace without the aide of the doctors.

House remained silent from where he was being held, desperate for the child to make a noise, any noise. Any proof that it was going to be alright.

And then something happened that would forever change Gregory House's world:

The baby started to cry.

Words could not describe the euphoria that overcame him when he heard that wail, that cry of a new life starting. He found himself shaking uncontrollably and, to his own shock, a single tear broke and fell gently down from his eye. He wiped furiously at it, hiding it before any could see. House hadn't cried in who knows how many years, and yet one shout from this tiny creature broke down all his meticulously constructed walls.

He could already feel what control this little being would have over his life.

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How precious did that Grace appear

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The doctor smiled up at House as he cradled the child, slowly whispering,

"You can hold her, if you'd like." House just nodded, his mouth still hanging open as he slowly walked towards the child. She was so tiny, so fragile. Her skin was still red, her eyes tightly closed as she wailed and cried.

House had never heard such a beautiful sound.

House held the fragile little girl to his chest, enchanted by her tiny movements as she settled against him, her cries dying out as she gripped his shirt gently.

"Hey there," he whispered hoarsely, smiling slightly as he held her away from him, gently counting all her fingers and toes. They were all there; she was perfect.

"Hey little Grace," he smiled as her name rolled off his tongue, the name Cameron had chosen in the event that they had a girl. He had hated it at the time, but now it felt so right. This little child had overcome the odds, had survived when all hope was lost.

She was his amazing Grace.

The soft sound of a throat clearing turned his attention to Cameron, now awake and lying on the bed, her eyes half-lidded and her body soaked in sweat from the strain. She smiled feebly at him, her eyes radiating the joy she felt at seeing House holding their child. House held his breath for a moment before returning that smile. Cameron had never looked as beautiful as she did right now in the afterglow of birth.

He tore his eyes away from her and brought them back to the tiny life he held in his arms, their eyes meeting for the first time.

He could see her innocence and curiosity, her wonder at this strange man staring down at her. Tentatively, House extended his finger slowly down to the child.

His heart melted when she grabbed it in her tiny fist, a grip so surprisingly strong it almost hurt. He let out a slight chuckle as he cradled her, whispering little promises to her, telling her how he'd make sure she had everything she ever wanted.

House was surprised when he realized that he'd been silently praying the entire time, and he found himself absentmindedly thanking whatever god or higher being had given him this opportunity to hold this little child in his arms, to have her cry fill his ears. For a fleeting moment, he actually thought that maybe, just maybe, there was something bigger out there watching over them. Looking down at that miracle before him, the tiny, wonderful creature that he had somehow created, the thought almost seemed possible. Almost.

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The hour I first believed.

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So yeah I was listening to Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone), and when this part came up I kept imagining it as a translation of a father's experiences before and during his daughter's birth, and I decided to share a one shot with you.

Each section is more or less a literal interpretation of the line from the song.

(You should listen to it while reading this)

Granted, when I saw this scene in my mind I saw it for two of my original characters I'm writing for a non-fanfiction story, but I wanted to get your opinion on it so I decided to make it as a Hameron story, as well.

A little OOC at some bits, but meh.

So yep (:

And haha I am so on a 'House-has-a-kid' kick.


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